Saturday, February 4, 2012

A Fighter, and A Hero Often Goes Unrecognized

The other day, my mother updated a blog that she had started when they found out my dad had cancer. She really has not posted anything in a long time, but other day she did. It is not that this update is that life changing, but as I read it, I thought about how everyday I miss my dad so much, and it never gets easier, I do not care who you are it does not get easier, and you always think the "what if's". Does that change anything? No,  does it help anything? Nope. What it did do though is made me go back to the very first post my mother wrote, and read all of her posts, and cry of course. Here is the thing, and my mother did not really even know this until my dad told her, I was really close to my dad as a teenager, and spent pretty much every night in the garage with him. I had the dad every little girl wants, he took us fishing, to gymnastics, four wheeling, to dance, and even hunting. All well my mother went to school, and worked a million hours a week so we could do all these things. My mother did, and still does so much for us, and in the midst of my dad being so sick I guess I lost some sight of that. My mom is a fighter, hell she could not stand hospitals, or needles, yet she sat with my dad for every treatment, and did everything she could for him at home. There were days where I am sure she thought she could not do it, but she did it anyways. She took care of my dad throughout his whole life, and my sister, and I. She may not have always been there, because of work, but she wanted to be.
Through my dads cancer my was by side the whole time, that is tough, there were good days, and bad days, but man there days I would leave and just cry so I have no idea how the hell she managed watching her husband of 40 years go through hell, and wake up the next day to do it all over again. My mom was the reason my dad fought so hard, without her I do not know that he would have. My mom was and still is fighter to, she dealt people saying shit like "well he knew smoking could do this, and still chose to smoke." and guess what she still deals with those people. If I were here I would have told them to "Fuck off" a long time ago, not my mom, she goes with I am better than them, and I will be sure that they know it attitude, and conquers each day with that. She struggles everyday without the love of her life, and that has to suck more than I know, but everyday she comes back fighting, and trying to raise awareness for lung cancer. She also got a tattoo for lung cancer awareness, and because my tattoo guy (and hers) is so awesome, he donated the money she paid for it to Lungevity.
My mom is a fighter, and a hero that has gone unrecognized, but mom, you have not gone unnoticed by me, and my family, and I am pretty sure Tami, and her family would say the same.
Thank you for all you do, and have done, I am proud to call you my mom, and clearly dad was proud to call you his wife. You are the strongest woman I know, I love you!!!

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