Saturday, January 9, 2010

A Closer Look.

I have no idea what the hell I was thinking when I begged my husband to help me figure out how I could go to school. Now that I do I almost regret ever starting. Why? you ask. Well lets see here I have three children that are 10, and 12. I work a full time job, yes that does give me summers off and vacations, but I have three children, so there is never really a day off. My husband owns a buisness,, and we have a four bedroom house that needs to be taken care of. Now I have all these wonderful things that I would not change for the world, and then I go and start school full time on top of all of it. Yes I go online, and only take one class at a time, but it is full time because I take 5 week classes. This means that every class I take is a 8-10 week course crammend into 5 weeks. I ahve lots of home work, and a lot of reading to do every week. And I can't stop now because I have loans that I would have to pay back, on a low income. Also it would teach my kids that when things get hard you can walk away. But I gotta tell you I spend about 70% of my time in tears right now! I have so much to do every night that I never get to bed untill at the earliest untill 11:30pm and am up at 5am. I hardly communicate with anyone because I am always stuck looking at my lap top and doing school work. How sexy can I be for my husband when I am in tears or sitting at my lap top trying to do school work, that I clearly am not understanding. And if my kids are up past 9pm they have to sit with me while I am in my computer doing school work. Even right this second as I am typing this I am thinking that I should be doing school work, and that I have to plan 8 lessons for work this weekend.
Now after reading this rant please understand that I am happy that I have this oppurtunity to go to school, and what not. But I have to tell that I feel as if I should have waited, a little while longer. I am missing important time with my kids, and husband, and I am so F*&(ing sick of crying all the time.

1 comment:

  1. Although I couldn't do it, I know you can. After this stupid math class is done, it will be all up hill after that. And when it's all done and you can get the job you want you will be happy it's over and that you didn't wait longer to start.