Sunday, September 5, 2010

I Can be Me!

I have always known that Jeff has always let me be me, but this week I realized that all over again, and fell even more in love with my husband than I ever thought I could.

We had a great friend come home for the week, and I spent more time with him than with Jeff. I learned more about him, because he is sort of an old friend, but a new friend. We have been friends with him for a while, but I have only started really talking in the past year.

My realization comes form this though, because while I was spending time with my friend, he asked me if Jeff cared. No, he wants me to be me, and sometimes that is just hanging out with other people, male or female, and I want him to do the same.

Then it hit me, a lot of people would get upset if their wife, girlfriend, husband or boyfriend, spent more time in one week with a friend than them. Why? Why do people feel this way, why do people get upset by this, and why do people get into relationships and then try to change the other person over time. I did not fall in love with Jeff because he did anything I wanted him to, I fell in love with him because he was himself, and that is what I want in life. I want to be me, and more so I want him to be him. I do not want change what he likes, or what he does. I certainly do not want him to change me either. I am not going to go to bed with him every night, nor is he with me. I do not care what he watches or does, I know at the end of everyday, he is going to tell me he loves me. I will do the same.

My advice to all married or not, be who you are, if your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend wants you to change, who your core person is, don't.


  1. I'll never understand the "normal" process of love & marriage. Most people meet someone and fall in love for that person's personality; funloving, outgoing, exciting, spontaneous, [insert your favorite trait here]. But then once the relationship turns serious and/or domestic, they expect that person to change. I'll never understand that.

    Your partner should be able to detect, on their own, a need to spend part of their free time taking care of the house. They should WANT to spend a large part of their social time with you, but should never have to be forced to. You should encourage and be genuinely excited for your partners interests, acheivements, and social interactions, even if they don't directly involve you.
    Love means to love, not to restrict, own, control. Those actions are self-serving in the interest of theorhetically protecting your involvement with this person. But if you really love them, wouldn't you want them to experience everything possible? Even if that day's "experience" is beers with the boys? Nagging them to stay in and sit on the couch with you is self-serving and will ultimately cause your partner to think about what they're missing. I hope Kel never misses a thing in life. At the end, she'll still be my best friend, and she'll still love me.

    In 20 years, Kelly will be my best friend. There is no one I am more loyal to, and know I have the same in return. Regardless of the ups & downs life sends our way, the friends we entertain, or the bad ideas we try. Love is not fitting into a mold. Love is sincerely wanting to experience someone the way they otherwise would be. One's patner should be free to do as they desire. The worst thing I could ever hear Kelly say would be "I would have liked to try/do _____, but I got married". My involvement should be an addition, not a subtraction. Likewise, I'm psyched Kelly loves me for me. I never decide that I'd like to do something and then think "oh, but Kel would never let that happen." She fell in love with me, in part, for my desire to experience everything I want to. Fortunately, she still loves me for that.

    The traditional marriage has fallen into a trap that ultimately makes partners into roommates. Its no wonder people fall out of love and divorce so commonly.

    We may have views on some things a bit more casual than most. But I certainly don't think that it makes us anything but closer. Anytime we do those things that make us ourselves, it seems we grow that much tighter because of the appreciated freedoms and genuine love for who we really are, not for who we're suppossed to be.

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